A Soldier With A Syndrome

Can I just?

So this week has been a pretty awesome week to me. I mean I’m sure other people had “cooler” weeks but that’s all in what you think cool is.

Tuesday -  It was my mom’s birthday so I hung out with her all day and then my sister took me bowling which was awesome because I haven’t gone in awhile and I love bowling.

Wednesday - I skipped my graduation and left for LA to go see Jack White. JACK FUCKING WHITE! okay. we waiting in line from 1pm until doors at 7:30 and we actually made friends in line which was weird since they were 31 and one was a teacher and one was a cop but we played apples to apples with them. “Are we any less cool for playing apples to apples while everyone else is smoking weed?” and even with all the creepy sketchy stuff, waiting in line wasn’t so bad.

Shannon finally arrived with her two friends. We were then let in. Pokey LaFarge was the opening band they were awesome even though I’d never heard of them I was very entertained.

Jack White finally took the stage. I thought I was going to die, he was perfect view setlist here. It was honesly like watching a god perform and since I very rarely go to large shows like these it was so perfect.

After the show we all went to Denny’s and had a few laughs and whatnot before the very long car ride home.

Thursday - GRAD NIGHT since I technically graduated the night before but just didn’t go to the ceremony I got to go to grad night at disneyland. I can’t believe how much fun I had. 1st we went to Ariel’s Grotto and ate some of the most delicious food ever, then we got ears and got them embroidered while we watched world of color close up which is awesome cause it’s a splash zone. then we finally made our way to Disneyland. once the park shut down to the public the lines were so minuscule that it was almost unbelievable and we thought that they were shut down.

Friday - I ended up running a few errands with my dad and then we went to dinner to celebrate my graduation. We didn’t get out of dinner until 8 so then Shannon invited me to her house to hang out. Brianna and I went there and it was definitely fun, I got a headache from laughing so hard actually. We played cards against humanity and telephone pictionary both are oh so hilarious.

All in all this was an awesome week.

pokemon

If anyone has extra Pokemon cards that they don’t want I think you should give them to me! :)))

I have no future

I feel like everyone has a plan for their future or has some remarkable talent. I don’t have either of these two things. Yeah I have dreams but those dreams are insanely unrealistic and when it comes to talent I’m not good at anything.

In destined to be unhappy, poor, and a failure. I have absolutely nothing going for me and that terrifies me.

I don’t want to end up like my siblings I don’t want to work at a grocery store my whole life or be a failure and Lowlife still when I’m 30.

I have no future though there Is nothing I can do. I was destined to be a failure.

This should have been the easiest thing I would ever have to do in my entire life. School isn’t hard so how did this happen.
I feel like if I couldn’t do this then how in the world can I do anything else.
I feel beyond worthless because I am, I’m doing nothing good while being on this planet so why am I here?

I just wish I could be normal

More than anything.
I just want someone to look at me and not think I was some sort of socially awkward weirdo but that’s exactly what I am. I think hating myself makes it that much worse. I lie to myself all the time and tell myself I’m okay with who I am but I really don’t like me.

And then there are all the other troubling things I am constantly thinking about.

tonight

I didn’t fully cry like I expected I would. I think it’s because as much as I love the program I became so sick of it especially some of the people. I think the most upsetting part was the fact that I planned for this concert to have my two best friends on stage with me and although I got one it sucked to not have the other there.

Afterwards we went to Denny’s where we talked about things and ate amazing food. And even though we got stuck with a few drinks no one decided to pay for it was great.

I think getting to hang out with two of my best friends all night was good and all in all it was a pretty good night

I have a new appreciation for right turns.