I feel like everyone has a plan for their future or has some remarkable talent. I don’t have either of these two things. Yeah I have dreams but those dreams are insanely unrealistic and when it comes to talent I’m not good at anything.
In destined to be unhappy, poor, and a failure. I have absolutely nothing going for me and that terrifies me.
I don’t want to end up like my siblings I don’t want to work at a grocery store my whole life or be a failure and Lowlife still when I’m 30.
I have no future though there Is nothing I can do. I was destined to be a failure.
If my aunt were a good person I’d still be living in my old house my dad and mom wouldn’t have to worry about if were going to make it every month. I’d probably be a spoiled teenager who has everything they want and more. An expensive phone, a personal computer, anything that I wanted. I would even probably still be going to christian school. But because of my aunts all of that changed. In a way I am happy, I now know what it’s like to struggle. I know what it’s like to get excited about minimal things. And even with all the struggle I haven’t had that bad of a life. I have a nice phone, not the best and it may be broken but I’m happy to have it. And I still have a house in we still somehow managed to pay rent. I have amazing friends to help me get through it all. But is it bad to want what you used to have? You shouldn’t dwell on the past is what I always hear so is it bad that I do. Ive changed a lot because of all of this would I still be the same person? I don’t think I would I think I’d be spoiled and never know what it’s like to struggle never know what it is like to have to try so hard. I would be so use to getting things handed to me on a platter that if I ever didn’t have my parents to rely on I wouldn’t know what to do. So in ways I’m happy in other ways I still do dwell on the past wishing it would come back.
I really want to be friends with you assuming we would get along well but then I can’t even talk to you barely because I’m insanely awkward beyond words. I can’t even work up the courage to text you. -_- I swear I used to not be as shy, and once I feel comfortable around people I open up and won’t stop talking. And this is what’s keeping me up it won’t get out of my mind. Maybe I can try harder to be less awkward but I think I’m just protecting myself because what if my assumptions are wrong and we dont get along.
Yay for a bunch of jumbled thoughts.
I have my giant headphones on full blast as I listen to Everything Must Go by Taking Back Sunday. Maybe if I can’t hear then my dad will stop criticizing every little thing I do. I’m so sick of the shit he gives me about nothing. It has come to the point where I can’t walk in a room where he’s at without automatically being upset even if he doesn’t say anything. My mood drops so much when I’m around him. It sucks when I’m really having a good day and I walk in the house and see him and all of a sudden I’m just not as happy anymore. I don’t want it to seem like I hate my dad because I know I love him, my love for him just gets lost way deep down sometimes.
ugh whatever.
It’s getting ridiculous.
I love my parents I really do. but I don’t feel like I do sometimes.
The way we fight is so intense, obviously it isn’t abusive.
But the words hurt, and this happens almost everyday if not more than once a day And I cry at least 2 or more times a week. Falling asleep crying has become a habit.
When I was younger when we lived in our old house, my family barely ever fought and when there were fights it was my mom and dad and I wasn’t dragged in unless my dad was making fun of my moms kids because I would stand up for them. But we barely ever fought and I think we started fighting because of the problems that my aunts started a few years ago. Nothing has been the same and its really hard for us to deal with and we all take it out on each other.
but then my dad asks me why I’m so obsessed with music. I just laughed, of course he didn’t understand when I explained that it is honestly the only thing that can get my mind off of what is going on in my house everyday. It is the one thing that can actually make me happy. I love going to shows because they clear my mind, and make me forget everything for the short time I’m there. I love being around the people and the atmosphere of music. I just don’t get how he doesn’t understand.
Everyone has the one thing they go to when they are upset I think. For a lot of people it is music, whether it be listening to music, writing music, or just going to shows it can clear your mind so easily.
I think everyone has met that one person who is a complete asshole but you wish they weren’t because you can honestly see yourself with them. It has been such a random thought lately about no one in particular but I posted a facebook status similar to this and it got a few likes so I feel like I’m definately not the only one who feels like that or who has felt like that. Like the person can be super chill or funny, smart or even slightly good looking but they are just jerks? seriously how can people just always be rude. I wish there was a point in peoples lives where they just learned to be nice. But as everyone knows there is at least one person that everyone knows that is just mean to be mean. it sucks but I guess thats life?
"The only person I'm trying to
